Ten Tips for Caregivers to Stroke Survivors

This article was first published by at Yahoo Contributors but they are going out of business and the rights have reverted back to me. So if it seems out of order to the rest of the content here, that is the reason.

According to the American Stroke Association 5,700,000 stroke survivors are alive in the United States. Strokes, they say, are the leading cause of long-term disability. If your loved one just had a stroke, you (or another relative) will face the scary prospect of becoming a new caregiver as soon as your survivor is released from the hospital or stroke rehab center. It will be a long road filled with small and large disappointments, tiny and great rewards.

At times you will feel helpless and inept. At other times you will feel like you are your loved one's greatest warrior in a world where you have to fight for therapies, information, understanding, help, payments from the insurance companies, and time to get everything done that needs doing. These are all normal experiences and feelings. Adapting the ten tips below can help you cope and become a more effective caregiver.

(1) Keep good records. Set up a notebook with sections to:
a) Document all your phone calls to doctors, therapists, hospitals, and pharmacies.
b) Document all applications and contacts with places like Social Security Disability, the Veteran Administrations, insurance companies, banks, pension administrations, etc.
c) Document out-patient or home therapies and your loved one's progress and moods
e) Keep a record of all appointments
f) Keep contact information for doctors, hospitals, therapists, pharmacies, facilities, agencies, community and internet resources, etc.
g) Keep notes of all medications given and the effects you see in your loved one when changes are made

(2) All strokes are different depending on the location in the brain and the size of the clot or bleed. All stroke survivors are different depending on their determination, age and inner resources. Research your care recipient's type of stroke. Know what part of the brain was damaged and what that part of the brain controls. The more you know about strokes the better you'll be able to react appropriately to the changes you'll see in your loved one and to become a better caregiver.

(3) Be grateful when extended family or friends pitch in to help and don't let yourself be eaten up with resentment when they don't. It's common for people to rally around in the first month, and then drop off after they think you have settled into your caregiver role. Keep a To-Do list handy for those times when others ask, "Is there anything I can do?" People will response quicker if they are given a specific task rather than a general, "I'll let you know." You can even make a joke of it and say, "Here's my To-Do list. Take your pick."

(4) Develop a sense of humor. It defuses the tension when speech issues come with a stroke, food is spilled or other frustrations and accidents occur. Don't treat them like the elephant in the room that no one talks about.

(5) Find a local or on-line stroke support group. Call your local rehab hospital's social worker to see what might be available locally. On-line you'll find message boards at Empowering Caregivers, The American Stroke Association and The Stroke Network where you can interact with other caregivers.

(6) Be grateful for and celebrate every sign of progress no matter how small, but remember that your stroke survivor might take a step backwards once in a while. Plateaus will also happen; don't get discouraged when they do even though insurance companies will drop coverage for therapies when a plateau lasts too long. Plateaus are sometimes followed by a nice, spontaneous jump forward. If you see positive changes happening after a long plateau ask your doctor if she or he will write you a new prescription for more therapy. If it's a new calendar year, you can often get the insurance companies to agree. Be a strong advocate for your stroke survivor.

(7) When you feel over-whelmed, call an understanding friend to confident in. Ask for, or hire, help if you need to run away from caregiving for a few hours. A movie or a walk in the park can do wonders to recharge your batteries. If you have trouble finding someone to sit with your care recipient, check to see what community resources are available in your area such as adult day care or caregiver respite services through churches or synagogues. Most areas have a 211 telephone system. Start by calling that number for caregiver related referrals. Above all, don't feel guilty if you need a break.

(8) Subscribe to the Stroke Connection Magazine (published by the American Stroke Association) and theStroke Smart Magazine. (published by the National Stroke Association. Both of these magazines are free and can be ordered on-line.

(9)You will make mistakes, loss your temper and/or have feelings of complete helplessness. Don't beat yourself up for this. You are only human and the beginning weeks/months of caregiving are very stressful. Give yourself time to adapt to your new routine and to develop coping skills. Seek professional counseling if you start feeling too trapped, resentful, lost in the shuffle or seriously depressed. Many caregivers as well as stroke survivors need antidepressants in the first six months following the stroke. Remember you can't care for someone else if you don't take care of your own mental and physical health.

(10) If you are caring for a parent, the role reversal of a child taking care of parent---no matter what your ages---is a difficult transition to make for most new caregivers. Much depends of the personality of the care recipient's ability to give themselves over to that care and on the son/daughter's ability to accept the fact that they are TRULY in charge, even if it's only temporary. A caregiver to a parent who has had a stroke must be prepared to make the tough decisions, even if you get no cooperation from their mom or dad. Don't feel guilty if you have to go against their wishes. It's pay-back time for all the times when your parent had to make unpopular decisions for you in YOUR best interest.

Being a caregiver is a job few of us want but most of us will do at one point in our lives. As you take on this new role, remember that you are not alone. Reach out to others who have been there, done that and who will understand how this job can be both the toughest and the most rewarding thing you've ever had to do. ©

NOTE: Please do NOT copy and paste this article to another website without the written permission of the author, but feel free to post a link back to this article where ever you wish.

Caregiver Stress: Straight Talk for New Caregivers

This article was first published by at Yahoo Contributors but they are going out of business and the rights have reverted back to me. So if it seems out of order to the rest of the content here, that is the reason.

Fifty million Americans, according to The National Family Caregivers Association, care for a loved one who is disabled, chronically ill or fragile from old age. That adds up to a lot of potential for caregiver stress and conflicting emotions.

The Deer Caught in the Headlines Syndrome
The family member who inherits the caregiver job after an accident or unforeseen health crisis faces overwhelming pressure. Feeling like a deer caught in the headlines, unable to move is a common emotion. Too much medical information is coming at them, too much is being asked of them and too much is being focused on the care recipient while the caregiver is falling apart inside and silently screaming, "What about me?" In many cases, the care recipient is the very person the new caregiver used to go to for support and comfort and with that relationship out of kilter, coping with caregiver stress can seem insurmountable.

The God-Never-Gives-Us-More-Than-We-Can-Handle Myth
A lot of platitudes are thrown around when caregiver stress manifests itself and the new caregiver tries to reach out. Friends and co-workers trying to be sympathetic often say things like: "God never gives you more than you can handle" or "get a grip" or worst yet, "you're not the patient here." For a few people platitudes might work to help them screw up their courage but for others, they are freaking out inside and wanting to shout back: "I do have more than I can handle. I can't get a grip and I might not be the patient here but I still need help!" What caregivers, and those who care about them, often don't realize is that caregiver stress---in the early months---is rooted in the Five Stages of Grief. Mourning a past way of life and fearing an uncertain future takes its toll. It's like being shell shocked. They are just going through the motions of what is required of them.

Crawling Out From Between the Rock and the Hard Place
Anyone who is familiar with the Five Stages of Grief knows the first stage is denial followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. Most caregivers move through the denial stage fairly quickly. But the anger stage is a different ball of wax, bringing on a lot of caregiver stress. They are angry at everyone: God, their care recipient, themselves, the medical community and/or people who they perceive as going about their own lives without acknowledging that the caregiver can't do that. They are floundering at getting organizing and unable to see that the solutions to their problems aren't going to find them; they have to go looking for way to reduce their caregiver stress. To dig out from between that rock and a hard place the caregiver needs to acknowledge where they are in the Five Stages of Grief and to seek professional counseling or peer support in the caregiver community if they have been stuck in one stage too long. Until new caregivers get to the acceptance stage, they will not be able to put the 'why me' mindset aside and start rebuilding their lives.

Staying Power for the Long Haul
Once a new caregiver is at the acceptance stage it's easier to put into practice the things they've read or heard about dealing with caregiver stress i.e. finding outside help. They will call their local 2-1-1 telephone referral system to learn what resources are available in their county such as adult day care, caregiver respite, home health care, social services, transportation services, Elder Care, peer support groups, and organizations like the Easter Seals, Lyon's Clubs and Red Cross that in many communities offer limited help. They will weigh up the options of downsizing, nursing homes, assisted living or hired caregivers. They will start believing that they do, indeed, have a right and a responsibility to look after their own mental and physical health as well as that of their care recipient. They will read the Caregiver's Bill of Rights and use it as a mantra should they be dealing with guilt trips or manipulation. They will find a family counselor should they need help dealing with extended family.

To hang in there for the long haul, and reduce caregiver stress, a person needs to form a plan and work the plan and that plan must include saying goodbye to their old life. Being a family caregiver can be a rewarding experience but it doesn't come without sacrifices. The biggest challenge a caregiver faces is---as the Serenity Prayer says---finding the courage to accept the things that cannot be changed, the courage to change the things that can be changed and the wisdom to tell the
 difference. ©

NOTE: This copyrighted article may not be cut and pasted to another website without the written permission of the author. A link back to this page plus an excerpt of the first four sentences may, however, be posted elsewhere. To e-mail this article to a friend or family member, see the link below.

Published by Jean Riva